Thursday, 10 September 2009

Do i feel guilty..?

You bet I do! its been like ages since I blogged.. (my excuse- Granth's holidays are on, whats yours ?) SO to catch up.. here's a few things that happened... My parents came over for a holiday , to London..when mom dad left, us girls went for a holiday (with kids) and then nitin me and granth along with my best friend and another family went for a holiday to isle of wight.. it was nice.. had a great time...
Today , I have invited Harsha, Varsha , Ruchi and Shilpa for lunch.. sejal couldn't make it...
Can you believe the new kids will be a year old .. soon. A year has gone by in a blink of an eye...
Personally , i am very low.. haven't got my periods and am not pregnant... whats happening...
I feel its the weight that's causing the problem... I don't know..I just need to get fit...(the drive isn't there...)I was so upset when i got the second pregnancy test kit result.. I half expected to see two lines in the first one .. but when it was negative.. i thought I'll come to know for sure with the second one... this one was negative too... I know I shouldn't be getting pregnant because of my heart issues , but I just cant stop hoping , can I ?
Man , my life sucks! (in some ways , not all)..
Until later
TJ

Sunday, 21 June 2009

i havent been..shhh

I havent been .. writing.. i know!!! :P i have been pretty busy you know .... mom dad are here... so...
I have been driving around a lot... btw , am getting a new i-phone!!! weeeeeee and yes i am only getting it for apps... but to be honest , uptill now , in my opinion, motorolla razr v9 is the best!! and as i dropped it in the toilet ( a clean toilet ), it started acting funny,,, (poor thing was stil working) and (it would have worked , if i didnt bombard the charger with water aswell) so now i am phone-less (some what), so will be getting the iphone soon... halelujah!
when i get it , i am going to twinkle-lise it!!! :D, so until then , toodlooo!

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Alexa!

There is this website ranker / tracker. My site isnt even the 100,000,00 !!??!?! man!  of course it isnt, poeple have much better sites, so its a no brainer that i am not even in the above mentioned numbers... Last night i had a horrible time with nitin... I dont learn do i ? i should never ever talk to nitin about my emotional probs, he doesnt know how to handle it...and he gets angry , which in turn is worse for me. i hate it..He turns into my mother and starts nagging me.. starts yelling at me for not being busy enough.He starts getting on my case  " what have you thought abt doing from september" Are you ready for a job in spetember! And i know i want to do something, but i dont know what to do , i know i want to be in art , not any admin job! So i am trying my best to get into school things.I want to get a crb (criminal records and background) check done so that i can start an art class started in august, but honestly he thinks i dont think at all.. i started the avon thing, i started the creche thing... my days are just sorry right now..feeling down in the dumps... and nitins not helping. i want to feel a bit better than i do right now...is it too much to ask for support from nitin? And on top of that , its raining......Isnt that nice...I just couldnt sleep peacefully thru the night..I am in a horrible mood today! Cross my path and you'll know.

My garden

My new garden plan. Hope I can get this done...Its gonna cost a lot more than we decided..i want this garden..
click on the pic to view it larger..
Posted by Picasa

Monday, 18 May 2009

update...

I have been away , havent i ? .. Well its my blog and i'll write whenever i want :D .
First, good news... i passed my driving test, got my beautiful sparkling license and an even more beautiful (if possible) A shiny second hand Rav4! wheeeeee!!! took it for a drive couple of times and i love it. Feel like a freee bird! "I'm like a bird.. "... Remember that weekend, where i went a bit crazy with my blogging ? yeah that same weekend nitin and went and bought me the car..
now the sad part..
just not feeling good..(not abt the above bit of course) ... just feel friendless and left out.. an outsider..I have a huge group of "friends" to say... but no one that i can count on.. no  one i am at home with... no one to call my own... last weeken(thats yesterday and day before) , all of them met and again no  one bothered to call us.... I feel like i am being punished for something i havent even done... for being good..its a,azing for people who have played games with us..everyone is with htem on weekends, havin fun...And its not like i havent tried...the weekend before last, we went un-invited when we came to know everyone was meeting up...i felt so horrible when i was there... like i was imposing myself on people.. when they were ordering for food, we made our excuses and left..i just didnt want to be there...oh godd. why does it hurt so much...
I hate it.. every time .... and it just doesnt get better.... its so painful....
Nitin says, forget about everyone and just get on with it, life is not abt friends... Thats true , i agree but sometimes you do need friends ... fuck man! why does it matter so much! FUCK FUCK FUCK.. i need to do somegthing asap.. just to forget abt everyone... need to stop caring so much.. need to seperate myself ...just need to fucking stop feeling.
Will it get better then?..................


Saturday, 25 April 2009

So awesome!

okay today I have gone a bit crzy with the posting, but it being a weekend and all, and my garden being tended to by a garder (I know , lazy me ), terrible I must say. Terrible good :D! I found , afetr trawling through some ones blog, a nifty little thing...
 The polaroids are back and its bringing a mass of mad photologers along with it!
So I thought I'd go a bit mad with them.. here are some of my polaroid beauties
 

After about 5 mins MORE

my blog in a graph


Realy.. whats to say this isnt some rubbish..? after about 5-7 minutes, it was still spanning put like a tree. Its pretty though. looks like a pretty tree with lots of different colored blossoms.. hmmm.

Reading..e reading!

I have been a voyuer to a couple of blogs now.. one of them being Ms Karen Cheng and lost of other cute ones. You know, its amazing how people earn through their blogs! I want to get in a share as well, but I will have to Wh0re out my blog big time to even make a fraction of what they earn..
Mero soch is another blog that I follow... thought provoking .. Karen cheng's blog is different.It about life on a day to day basis, coping with 2 (now three) boys and a drop dead gorgeous-cancer-survivor husband.Her entries are never boring , (unlike mine), She always has tonnes of seriously good pics up on the blog , and it looks like she has a lot of fun , doing what she is doing.
I want to get on to this bandwagon and have fun as well!! :D so I'll probably start whoring my blog a bit.. I hope I do ok! :D
luv
tj

Friday, 24 April 2009

A horrible experience

Oh god. where do i begin! it was just horrible.Had test on 21st... guess what ? i forgot to take my provisional license... couldnt sit the test..136 £s down the drain. I cried so much, it seems ,every exam makes me cry.
But this time, it was even worse.I couldnt even know if i would have passed or failed and i had such a good feeling about the test.And you know whats the worst thing ? the tension that builds up towards the time of the test. Oh god the butterflies.. i just want to pass !!! i just want a car, so we can move around easily.



This is my car back in bahrain, i loved driving it. I miss it.... things were easier .. coming up in the next post.. cars I would love to have and drive for everyday purpose..

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

i just realised..

I just realised there are no pics of us , so i am gonna put them up ..i realised how boring it can be when you dont see any personal snapshots...so heres one


was a good party!

It was sejal's birthday on 6th, but we celebrated it on saturday (4th). It was a surprise party and it was fun! me and nitin arranged it.It was well under 20 pounds! 10 people! can you believe it ? we tooke dr oetker's pizza and sainsbury garlic brerad,it was nice! and i got a cake from "le petit pain" (drooooool, was yummy) and of course the customary gift..
you know , i always try to buy something different for people.Something that they wouldnt buy for themselves,Something fun.. this time i got her a candy floss maker , i dunno how much they both appreciated it, but i throughly enjoyed giving it,
it looks like this...

Saturday, 28 March 2009

my foundation painting

 


I did this when i was in first year textile.. dunno how it flows with textile. but i was always into fantasy art.. and this is what i made..
Posted by Picasa

papa mom and granth

 


Granth has been drawing very well since the past couple of weeks.. this his lastest drawing , dome on saturday, 28th march 1.30 pm.
I love his drawing and his art work..have a whole album dedicated only to his artwork on orkut..
its so fulfilling to see him grow up bit by bit , drawing by drawing.
Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Sophie Kinsella

 

Website of Sophie Kinsella...
just read her "Remember Me?" , it was really nice. Very much written like Kinsella would.
utill now , i have liked all the books that i have read by kinsella.Very chick lit..

greedilicious
Tj
Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Sainsbury

Went to sainsbury today, and spend like 10 hours just obsessing which cake to buy... i wanted the cake to be divine as it was the only cake that i would buy for a long time and also i have been in the mood for some fat.. you know like serious fat..it isnt like i need it or anything, but i just want to have something goooood!you know its one of those days when u just want some thing sinful...
so i picked up a madeira cake and an angel loaf. (neither taste the way they sound) very disappointing..)
I wish there was a yummmmy sinful cake!
maybe i am going through some emotional thinsg that i dont know about..
as of today, i have had a lot of delectable chocolates( thorntons),some dark chocolate (green and blacks), several squares of angel and madeira cake, and then a bag of walkers sensation (vintage cheddar and onion chutney) flavour.
so today has been a bad day over all.. and tomorow is gonna be good..
tthats all i can say...
btw
bloomsberry.com its amazing.. the chocolates are pretty normal, but the package design is off the charts! awesome.
toodles
tj

Sunday, 22 March 2009

My exhibition...

Click the picture below to see my exhibition stuff..Recession has shown its ugly face and my exhibition faced it...anyway .. have a look...i have loads of things still left , so if anyone wants them , they can just let me know (if anyone's reading :D)
peachykeen my exhibtition

Friday, 6 March 2009

Dearest back stabber called... ok,, may be i am being a bit harsh, but whatever! its my blog and i'll write what i feel!! things have sort of been sorted out... though , i feel she is not 100% in her apology, i accepted it. and i am just gonna go ahead with mending things....
you know what..
Koreanna got in touch with me... sent me a long email... ok sorry back up.
WARNING: FLASH BACK:
8th standard.. kuku and me were best friends, we used to sit together, go to and comeback from school together..she lived in east and so did i .i was falling in love...I remember, i didn't have such great handwriting so i asked kuku to write my first love letter to my crush.. and from then on it was great.. my crusg and i started seeing each other.. then one day , i dunno what happened but kuku flat out refused to talk to me, she changed her seats.. i dunno.. cried so much,, my class teacher had to pull us aside and see what was wrong..somehow... i have blocked out so much of that time that now i dont remember a lot of school days of mine..that was a very difficult time in my life.i realise other kids have a lot of horrible things happen to them, but for me personally, that was very traumatic.. every time i saw her, my heart would just break...at re-unions i was always on the look out for her...but i never saw her after that..She ruined me for any other friendships that i would have later on..
in college , when i had a best friend... she started getting too possessive abt me and i couldn't take it, and i had a fight with her.,.. then came along mani, who i am still close to, but the distance makes it difficult for us to be there for each other.. over here
harsha was some one i thought could fill the kuku shaped hole in my heart.. but after a substantial amount of trust and personal issues entrusted to her, she back stabbed me... it was just too much to take...i had a mental break down..i ran.. ran to India to mend myself with help of dimple ( the closest thing to soul mate i will ever have, after nitin).. came back..much better than i had left. .. then after 15 odd years or so... kuku gets in touch with me. You know , i joined orkut to find her.. face book to find her...i found her almost a year ago , but didn't get in touch with her till Dec 2008.. she messaged me on face book..and i couldn't believe it...
After a couple of mails of hi and hello, i asked her the most burning question..
why did she abruptly end her friendship with me and guess what.. all this while , when i was feeling what did i do to make her feel that way..it was for nothing..
She said , (copying and pasting her email now... boy what a long post this is turning out to be)
i shld really appreciate your memory....... i dont know where to start from but i know dat u always took me a s a very good friend and from my side i could never part from you...... but when things went totally wrong with me and i didnt keep any friends and left my self alone...... i always wanted to come and talk to you but i was very afraid that i might loose even you one day so just went away..... i have not forgotten abt anything that we shared in those day...... as u were the only person who could understand me...... with lloyd it was a very bad thing that happened to me as he was only with me cause he actualy like my cousin.... and everything changed after that....... my bro is fine and he was too in london...he had gone back now as my mom is alone in india........ as i finished school we moved out to malad where my dad passed away and everything was just a dark room for me... but then my mum forced me to come to uk for a change so dat i could forget everything and move on....... but i have always missed you....... i wanted to get in touch with you but was so scared abt how u would react and behave as i was to harse on you but i never meant anything...... i came across many ups and downs in life as i was the in a relation with another guy whom i met in london for 3 years and i had left everything for him but he didnt stand by my side as he was of a different cast and left me and went to gujarat and never came back......... but now im happy as i have finally found the one who knows me and im setteling down wit him...... just praying dat i dont loose him........ on the other hand u and me were never meant to be apart and so here we meet again not in india but so far crossing seven seas and in london....... i hope u wil forgive me wit what i did to you but it was not on any purpose.......i have always missed you so much in all hese years coz i never had anyone who i could talk to and share things with...... but i guess i have found you again but i hope things would be the same........ i have always loved you and wanted u to be by my side,,,,,,,
anyhoo.. too long a post..

Heyyyy happy bday blog!!!

I cant believe it... its been a year since i started this blog and can you believe it... i am still on it!!!! awesome man! happy bday blog dearest! my first post was on 3rd march.. and today is 6th....

oh did i tell you..

i effing failed my driving test . boohoo hoo... one of my close friends got married.. another wedding i missed.. in india... was just seeing the photos and felt so left out..I am not complaining about my life in Uk, but certainly missing out on a lot of things.. seeing my friends in the photos made me nostalgic.. burnt a little bit of the carpet with some idiotic coal , it was getting too excited to get hot.right now... i feel as if life is a bit out of control.. something is niggling me at the back of my mind but i cant quite put my finger on it.waiting for a shipment to arrive, having an exhibit cum sale at granth's school on 20th of march. same day as my second driving test.
Right about now, feel like screaming, need a break.. a mini break would do..
gosh!!
onto my second post in the fat camp blog. :P .

Monday, 2 March 2009

New day.. again ?

WEll.. been there , done that.. gosh! Watching biggest looser..
the woman says , write down what you want for self...
some motivation..
the guy says dont wait for a monday or a date to start being healthy.
Just believe your worth the effort..
oprah says, its all about worthiness...(if thats a word..)
anyway..
so ,, i am gonna start a new blog.. its sort of gonna be like a journal (i cant be bothered to keep a real one.. wheres the pen... wheres my book..blyah)
so its gonna start with probably horrible pictures of me (there may be a lot, since i dont like my photos) and where i look the heaviest..
its not easy for me .. talking about my weight.. infact its verrry very hard.
But who am i kidding.. i need to be brutal and i need to do something now , if i dont want saggy tits and even saggier tummy.. so.. here we go ! a new day and a new begining... watch out for the next post, where I put up the link to my embarrassing weight loss process... yeah!!

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Driving test

I may seem calm and cool outside , but in there..inside I am all over the place...i am running wild with arms flailing about...I just want to pass....I keep telling myself to calm down...i keep telling my heart to slow down....I want to calm down...but i am just so jittery...God .. i hope i pass....and i hope i dont disappoint nitin...thats the only thing i am more worried about more than anything,..i want to screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

why..

Sometimes..I feel so left out...well most of the times, i feel left out..and I feel as if i am let down by my own people...lets say ...a ,b and c came to my house..whenn only a and b were there it was ok , but when c came then it was like abc ignored me totally..I know i shouldnt feel this was but i do.. I dunno...we are all gonna go away in august,, and abc might very much be in the picture..i sort of know what is gonna happen.. and i kind of feel that it sort of is going to be a bit of a disaster...anyyyway, its ok ...These days the winter blues have gotten to me so bad..i am drowning under emotions...my creative flow is like blocked right , its flwoing but there is no place to let it flow in..i need a work table and chair and some good light... oh goddd fucccccccccccccck i forgot i could swear here..fuck fuck fuck..anyway, am gonna sign off now ,,, after so long i have had a rant

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Bushism!

oh god , never , will i ever forget that americans voted him for 8yrs!!!!!!!

here are a few quotes of the mighty BUSH...
All politicians are prone to make slips of the tongue in the heat of the moment - and President George W Bush has made more than most.
The word "Bushism" has been coined to label his occasional verbal lapses during eight years in office, which come to an end on 20 January.
Here are some of his most memorable pronouncements.
ON HIMSELF
"They misunderestimated me."
Bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000

''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right." Rome, 22 July, 2001

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."
Nashville, Tennessee, 17 September, 2002
"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead."
Washington DC, 11 May, 2001
"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."
Nashville, Tennessee, 27 May, 2004
FOREIGN AFFAIRS
"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times."
Tokyo, 18 February, 2002
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorise himself."
Grand Rapids, Michigan, 29 January, 2003

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Washington DC, 5 August, 2004


"I think war is a dangerous place." Washington DC, 7 May, 2003
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."
Washington DC, 27 October, 2003
"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat."
Washington DC, 17 September, 2004
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."
CBS News, Washington DC, 6 September, 2006
EDUCATION
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
Florence, South Carolina, 11 January, 2000
"Reading is the basics for all learning."
Reston, Virginia, 28 March, 2000
"As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards."
CNN, 30 August, 2000
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''
Townsend, Tennessee, 21 February, 2001
ECONOMICS
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
New York Daily News, 19 February, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Reuters, 5 May, 2000
"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine Labour Secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified."
Austin, Texas, 8 January, 2001
"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."
Washington DC, 19 May, 2003
HEALTHCARE
"I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs."
Orlando, Florida, 12 September, 2000
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 6 September, 2004
TECHNOLOGY
"Will the highways on the internet become more few?"
Concord, New Hampshire, 29 January, 2000
"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber."
Washington DC, 10 April, 2002
"Information is moving. You know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets."
Washington DC, 2 May, 2007
OUT OF LEFT FIELD
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."
Saginaw, Michigan, 29 September, 2000
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
LaCrosse, Wisconsin, 18 October, 2000
"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."
Tucson, Arizona, 28 November, 2005
"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three - three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?"
Speaking to reporter Kai Diekmann, Washington DC, 5 May, 2006
ON GOVERNING
"I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together."
Bartlett, Tennessee, 18 August, 2000
"I'm the decider, and I decide what is best."
Washington DC, 18 April, 2006
"And truth of the matter is, a lot of reports in Washington are never read by anybody. To show you how important this one is, I read it, and [Tony Blair] read it."
On the publication of the Baker-Hamilton Report, Washington DC, 7 December, 2006
"All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone."
San Diego, California, 25 October, 2007
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."
Washington DC, 12 May, 2008

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

shilpa's baby shower

Click to play Baby Girl
Create your own scrapbook - Powered by Smilebox
Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Monday, 24 November 2008

harassament

i am sooo bloody angry and soo bloody scared... a guy, one of the parents who was dropping his daughter to school, hit on me!! the bloody gall of that man!!!! i am wondering , he wasnt scared ??? that i would talk to his wife, or the other moms? ..ah god! and he was so persuasive!
we were just talking abt the weather and he stopped to talk to one of the mums of the way and i carried on. when i was walking along a car pulled and i saw it was him, he just stopped and asked me if he could drop me , and i said no, and then he said , come on, i'll drop you, i said no , i'll go, its around the corner. then he stopped some distance ahead , i carried on walking ...and then he stopped bang opposite my house and said, i didnt ask you your name. not knowing anything , i just said , i am twinkle, and he is like can i have your number ? i said no , i am sorry. but then he carried on, please can i have it, i was like no! and he just went on as if he was begging for it. thank god, nitin called at the right moment...but i saw he saw me entering my house, and now i am shit scared that he knows where i live and he might do something...oh god..wtf!!! 
dunno what to do abt this, i was looking at my ugliest best, but still that didnt stop him from hitting on me..are all guys such pricks ????!!?!


Sunday, 9 November 2008

Mumbai...raj..babasaheb..yikes whats happening.

Next Hot Topic for Raj Thackray ……….& MNS to target

Yes, we all should support Raj Thackeray and take his initiative ahead
by doing more...

1.        We should teach our kids that if he is second in class,
don't study harder.. just beat up the student coming first and throw
him out of the school
2.        Parliament should have only Delhiites as it is located in delhi
3.        Prime-minister, president and all other leaders should only
be from Delhi
4.        No Hindi movie should be made in Bombay. Only Marathi.
5.        At every state border, buses, trains, flights should be
stopped and staff changed to local men
6.        All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should
be sent back as they are SNATCHING employment from Locals
7.        Lord Shiv, Ganesha and Parvati should not be worshiped in
our state as they belong to north (Himalayas)
8.        Visits to Taj Mahal should be restricted to people from UP only
9.        Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should not come from
centre because that is the money collected as Tax from whole of India,
so why should it be given to someone in Maharashtra?
10.        Let's support Kashmiri Militants because they are right in
killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state
and community..
11.        Let's throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra, why should they
earn from us? We will open our own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and
MH Marutis of the world
12.        Let's stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and
dramas. James Bond should speak Marathi
13.        We should be ready to die hungry or buy food at 10 times
higher price but should not accept imports from other states
14.        We should not allow any industry to be setup in Maharashtra
because all machinery comes from outside
15.        We should STOP using local trains... Trains are not
manufactured by Marathi manoos and Railway Minister is a Bihari
16.        Ensure that all our children are born, grow, live and die
without ever stepping out of Maharasthra, then they will become true
Marathis

Friday, 7 November 2008

things i am loving from evans











Saturday, 25 October 2008

Update and re-cycle

Update on mum-- 
Mum is much better, she sat today, on a chair, but she felt wobbly...she says , she has no control over her torso...but i know she will get better soon.. so just praying for that.I cant imagine what it must be like...so many things we take for granted...like sitting, eating , using your legs.....

onto re-cycling--

Made granth's pumpkin fancy dress out of news papers and a carton and some left over paint..
what do you think ?



Sunday, 19 October 2008

Mumbai...mum

MUM

Thursday, 11 September 2008

my mum

Mum has met with an accident.broke her ribs and her leg, I am in pain...i want to be there, its a horrible thing when you are away from your parents and so is your brother.I hate this, last time , when my dad was ill, i couldnt go and this time my mom is ill...it seems i might not be able to go.I hate it! i have to go , anyway way , any how.i neeeed to go.i hope i can.

Friday, 5 September 2008

paryushan

Its a jain festival, (none of our festivals are joyfull ) and anyway i am not all that religious.So anyway , its a week long festival, where in you fast (have nothing at all , just boiled water ) you can do it everyday or any number of days (up to you), and in the end you do this pratikaman where you like chants mantras for approx 4 hours, and then forgive and ask for forgiveness from all.Which is to say its crap. I dont believe in all this, but i do it for show. you dont need this day to ask fo forgiveness or have a big heart and forgive, anyday is fine. anyway , so people go around calling everyone up and ask for Micchami dukkadam, which means i forgive , please forgive me too , everything i said or did that hurt you, unintentionally or intentionally.
fuck off ! THIS IS RUBBISH, JUST TELL ME ONE THING, can you do that ? If you are hurt by some one and its made a deep impact on you , will you so easily forgive and forget ?
I am trying to do that , and i cant.
I will never for once trust those peoole who broke my trust.
So anyway , micchhami dukadam to you all. (whatever that is)

Thursday, 28 August 2008

aphids

oh god, i am having aphid problem on my plants, those tiny microscopic (almost) plant lice....i hate it! and they are attacking my tiny plant babies as we speak.Following advice offered by my friend,heather, i have sprayed them with soapy water, so hoping they fall of and get lost.(literally).They are so tiny, you have to look hard, and you see the tiny buggers..
anyway, haf a good day today, granth played with a lot of play doh that i made while he was napping...

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

good thoughts

chose your friends by their character and your socks by their colour, choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friend by their colour is unthinkable.

The only thing worth stealing , is a kiss from a sleeping baby.

You dont stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

boxes..

Why do i like boxes so much ? i dont know , i have a deep urge to cover it with papier mache...some dried flowers or may be neil buchanen style decoration...
i just cant throw away a good box..
am i the only one ?
god its such a shame when nitin throws them out...just last week he thre out completly perfect boxes that i had been saving since a year.
Posted by Picasa

Sunday, 10 August 2008

meteor impact on granth

granth saw the pic of the meteor, he was asking me people get hurt ?people no get hurt, become smaller and smaller and poeple not get hurt.
!!!!!!!!!!!
i had to scoop my jaw of the floor listening to that.
I was seeing the mail forwarded to me, abt a prediction of a meteor falling into the earth's atmosphere and wiping out all of civilization.the only picture was of a meteor crashing into the ocean... how did he understand all of that ???
kids...pretty perceptive amd know quite a lot than we know...
anyway.. toodles
tj

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

my plant babies



"People make a big fuss over names: names of babies, names of albums, names of bands, names of people. The thing that everyone forgets is that a name is just a noise, and if you like it, then fuck what everyone else says. That's what it's called. So there’s nothing weird about calling your baby Chewbacca if that’s what you want to call your baby. It’s no weirder than Sarah, it's just that people are more used to it."
- Chris Martin.

good /bad events


i have now started a log book of events where i shall write hat was a good, what set nitin off and see how many of the good ones and how many of the bad ones we have.
i always wanted to keep one to see what makes our relationship...somehow things work, we love each other even more...hmmm if there is something interesting i might just write it down here, from the book...





Posted by Picasa

Monday, 28 July 2008

oprah

What was your prettiest day ?
i dont remember....
wedding day ...?? dunno..

museum day

granth didnt have so much fun...it was ok... natural history museum , where the dinosaurs live....

Been so long..

My writing has been so erratic...more like sending forwards than writing a text message...which is not good! Granth is sitting next to me...yes its holiday...no school for another 7 weeks... (yikes!!) ..take a deep breath....
Met heather from netmums, she is sweet and nice to talk to...we had soo many emails (around 25+) , we went for a circuit training the other day and it was fun.really good workout i must say...will mail her now.
i have been in a better state these days...i cant describe what exactly i am feeling.Everytime i think of my feelings , my heart kinda goes into an overdrive and starts beating faster...my i do try to calm myself down....i feel like its just gonna jump out and run away.That heaviness is yet there but the heart's lighter.To be honest ,i sometimes feel that i am going numb...i dont want to get close to anyone here...but isnt it a human tendency to do just that ? get closer to some one or the other...?i dunno why we do what we do but its too much sometimes.
these days i dont feel like cooking , dont feel like anything. (am i just being lazy ?).
Sometimes i feel as if i need lessons in parenting, i get so upset when granth is being naughty and difficult.
I am planning things to do now , or he and i , both are going to go crazy.will call up anshul and aruna to see what they are doing (granth's friends mummies).

on a quick read

you have to be careful that you aren't "p*ssing down the inside leg of your trousers: what seems very hot to you isn't so hot to anybody else"

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Words by Maya Angelou

Achievement brings its own anticlimax.
All great achievements require time.
All men are prepared to accomplish the incredible if their ideals are threatened.
Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.
As far as I knew white women were never lonely, except in books. White men adored them, Black men desired them and Black women worked for them.
At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.
Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.
Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
Effective action is always unjust.
For Africa to me... is more than a glamorous fact. It is a historical truth. No man can know where he is going unless he knows exactly where he has been and exactly how he arrived at his present place.
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!
I believe that every person is born with talent.
I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water.
I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform a million realities.
If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities.
If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.
If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.
If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.
If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.
Life loves the liver of it.
Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: ''I'm with you kid. Let's go.''
Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.
Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at it destination full of hope.
Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself.
My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy. That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors.
Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, I'm going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway.
Nothing will work unless you do.
One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.
Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.
Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, threatens the future and renders the present inaccessible.
Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
Some critics will write 'Maya Angelou is a natural writer' - which is right after being a natural heart surgeon.
The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
The fact that the adult American Negro female emerges a formidable character is often met with amazement, distaste and even belligerance. It is seldom accepted as an inevitable outcome of the struggle won by survivors, and deserves respect if not enthusiastic acceptance.
The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.
The need for change bulldozed road down the center of my mind.
The sadness of the women's movement is that they don't allow the necessity of love. See, I don't personally trust any revolution where love is not allowed.
There is a very fine line between loving life and being greedy for it.
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.
There's a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure the truth.
We allow our ignorance to prevail upon us and make us think we can survive alone, alone in patches, alone in groups, alone in races, even alone in genders.
We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.
While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation.
While the rest of the world has been improving technology, Ghana has been improving the quality of man's humanity to man.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning.
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning

Thursday, 10 April 2008

NEW EARTH- ECHHART TOLLE

Hi, I am watching the first web cast of oprah show on the book "new earth" by echart tolle.
some excerpts from the webcast:
follow your impluse.
dont ask what you want from life, ask what life wants from you...
Have a moment of stillness...take away the mental noise (thinking), take a flower and sit and be still with it...away from the incessant thinking the repetetive thoughts, what happened why it happened , just scrap all that.
more later....

Wednesday, 9 April 2008

netmums

Today, felt by the need of getting together with someone and not having those strained conversations...those fake smiles and those fake show of emotions, i logged onto netmums..i saw "meet a mum " section... and was reading posts..So many mums are alone, want an adult conversation,see someone other than their kids or husbands.its amazing how many people are looking for that someone ,someone who can share their experiences...I am come to that stage where , having relatives and people who i know, doesnt mean squat.
Seriously, there wass a time when i felt like the luckiest person here...someone who has relatives and "best-friend" etc..in fact i dont even have a friend...i feel like wallowing in self pity, but i wont.all i neeed right now is to get better...i feel very wounded...

rajnikanth-my fav forward



You want to know who is Rajanikanth....here are the facts

Rajanikanth makes onions cry


Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.


Ghosts are actually created when Rajanikanth kills people faster than Death can process them.


Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.


Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.


Rajanikanth can drown a fish.


When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.


When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.


Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.


The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.


Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.


Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.


A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


Rajanikanth's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."


Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.


Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.


When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.


Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.


Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.


Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.


There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.


Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.


Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.


It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.


Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"


In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.


Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.


Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.


Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.


With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.


The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.


When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.


Rajanikanth is the only person who can hit his own back by going around the world in a split second.

Saturday, 29 March 2008

people

no loyalty to one ,... whats is it come to ..? i am finding myself becoming more cynical and harder with experiences...may be thats how our parents are so strong....the world's a bitch.u cant trust anyone, you cant love anyone...you just cant be yourself with anyone,..(immediate family is an exception meaning husband and son) anyway...i am at a place right now , in my life, that its just becoming increasingly difficult for me to be friends with anybody...for the fear of getting kicked in the shin again...

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Amsterdam


We went to Amsterdam (amstel)for 4 days ,and it was good.Not as good as edinburgh , but good..The first day we just roamed around a bit...staying at Carlton , we just saw the floating flower market, bang opp to the hotel...the flowers are pretty...


more later..

Monday, 17 March 2008

Tomorrow is a brand new day

You can do anything tomrrow...you can be a dancer, you can be a painter.. you can be a doctor.you can be a psychic..Tomorrow is a brand new day! You plan for tomorrow but nothing goes according to your plan ...Remember ...."TOMORROW IS A BRAND NEW DAY!"

Amsterdam, here I come!

Going to Amsterdam on wednesday,I am so knackered. Went shopping for denim pants...got one from New Look, see ..right now my heart isnt in writing as there are too many things to do , so am gonna go ahead and finish up. ...but sooooooo tired :-(
*sigh*

until later
love
tj

Monday, 10 March 2008

storm! HELP!

man!Today is sooo stormy and rainy and just basically very depressing.its raining cats and dogs, and it hailed as well...crazy weather...global warming ? carbon emissions ?god knows , its so scary, the thought that the world weather will be worse by the time my son is a adult.Also I dont want to die of a flood or anything water related!hmmmm fire is bad as well..I should be lucky enough to die of natural painless causes.Well one can dream.Today my son drew a rainbow, how ironic.Yesterday i cleaned up the cupboard under the stairs and woah what a relief.time to start shaping this house in ship-shape.
until later
tj

Wednesday, 5 March 2008

A fun day



Had a fun day at play gym today.Granth played so much, ran so much ,gawd it was amazing to see him so crazy in a good way...I took like a zillion photos,but most of them turned out so out of focus and blurred cuz these guys were moving too much...not still for a second.Btw, I just realised I used this "..." too much so i am trying to get it down to one dot.:P Pretty silly I know.But thats ok.I went to Harsha's place today and had a nice chat with her.So good to have her back.



My mind is in a turmoil right now..so I am just gonna put up some pics..






Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Electricity off ,photos update

This is my special Buddha candle votive.... I got this from Camden...It's a beautiful thing...there are lots of things I got from Camden...the market just burnt down a few days ago...will put up pics of things that I got from there....

You know there's a sense of pointlessness these days inside me....I feel like I am lost ...in a limbo..hanging in between here and there .AND I don't like this feeling...there is so much I need to do , but I feel like there i s no planning, nothing concrete...

Sometimes I feel so scared...as to what am I doing...where am I going ? Whats the point of my existence (besides being a mother, daughter,wife etc)...There should be more...i agree that all this is brought on by the atmosphere around us...the impending question , do you do something or are you just a house wife...as if being a housewife is a derogatory term and its not worthwhile...I mean you must be stupid and dumb if you are just a house wife..So I am constantly trying to prove my self by keeping in touch with my artistic training..making stuff on photoshop...cooking pretty things,decorating....painting...This is nuts..Sometimes it drives me crazy...its not just the people outside my life who make me feel that way , but people in my inner circle as well...Aww heck its pointless...like I said.There is nothing wrong with ,not being ambitious...
there is so much I want to write ...I know I will..Everyday...
until later..




Monday, 3 March 2008

another one...

I love the line from Alanis Morisette's song Perfect. She sings about how parents push their kids in their quest for "perfection"..it goes like this..we love you just the way you are ...if you're perfetc.


so interpret this as you may...


Stuff I created last night..

Was just playing with Photoshop cs2...


March the 3rd- no electricity

Can you imagine ? No electricity in london! well actually to be specific, only in harrow...and only in west harrow...ok only on pinner road...ok ok...a very small part of pinner road.ANYWAY.... we didnt have electricity from 12pm to 10 pm...Its wasnt too bad..quiet peacefull even..Iclicked a few photos , which I will upload tomorrow ..I am knackered today...Will sleep in a few minutes...had an inetersting chat with Granth,his words are so funny....among everything.. I learnt something abt me and Nitin, Nitin is a wanker (banker) and I am an arse tit(artist)..so funny! its amazing how interesting a conversation can be when there is no electricity... Here are some photos that I took erlier in the day...Granth hugging his schoolmate , Dhruv.